My ideal of Paradise is a place so beautiful that you feel like never leaving it. Paradise would be a place you would share with the one you love. Sometimes Paradise is right there before you and you don't recongnize it. Paradise could be laying in your lovers arms, not saying a word and knowing that you love each other...Ohhhh how I wish I could be in Paradise.........
Somedays I wish the day would end quickly or perhaps even a week. Today is one of those days...I am feeling really blue about my life, things have just got the best of me right now. My attitude should be "Put Your Big Girl panties on and deal with it!" but I just can't seem to shake the blues.
I stop to think why...there is so many things that I know of and I don't know how to change them to make it better.
I reflect.....and my thoughts go too...I am deeply sadden in the lack of affection in my relationship, I feel needy and insecure, the frustration built up from not knowing where to turn next or what to say or do without pissing Dennis off he is anrgy with me 80% of the time now, the feeling that my relationship with Dennis has turned toxic makes me scared...he hates me being around him...the way I breath... how I chew my food...my smoking...my voice annoys him...the way I move in bed to get comfortable...the fact I have problems sleeping at night...the way I drive makes him mad...how I close the door on his truck...the subjects I talk about...me being on the computer...how I leave newspaper in the bathroom...how I am senstive...the list goes on and on. I feel the lack of respect people in my life have for me, hurt that no one wants to know anything about me or the things that interest me, I hate being the one they put down thinking that they are being funny, I hate the way I look right now with all this extra weight on, my hearing, my speech, my aches and pains from my shoulders to my toes, the feeling that I don't belong any where or have a place to call home, worrying about not being able to attend the spreading of my mothers ashes, and not being able to get a good sleep hanging on the edge of the bed since Dennis started to get mad in bed if I touched him.
OK so I am having a pity party all by myself! ISN'T THAT THE BEST WAY. I thought so because who cares anyways
2 comments:
ms Ivy,
Thank you for visiting my blog.
It sounds like your'e pretty down. And that's a slippery slope. Once People start to feel sad then somethimes they can start to feel all alone too.
Belive me I've been there too.
I know it sounds cliche but if someone doesn't apperciate you for who you are then they aren't worthy of you.
I hope that you start to feel better about things.
Pizza, chocolate ice cream, and watching a good movie with friends always helps.
: )
Ms Ivy, go ahead and have a pity party if you want to. Yell, scream, pout, throw a tantrum! Get it all out of your system. You have a right to feel the way you feel. Bad feelings are not evil. They are just pointing out stuff in your life that isn't working for you right now. What you decide to do with it is up to you. (You would never want to get rid of those feelings that warn of danger, would you?)So, pay attention to your feelings! What are they telling you? Then deal with things one at a time as you feel able. There are no "shoulds".
I've been there, some days still go there...so, remember, I'm on your side! Go ahead and whine on your blog if you want. It's your blog.
Post a Comment