The 2007 Darwin Awards
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1.When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during
a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2.The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine
and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a
look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's
claim was approved.
3.A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
4.After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus stop a nd offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He
then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that
the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5.An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6.A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a
gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.
(If someone points a gu n at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze and
run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran.The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, 'Yes, officer, that's her. That 's
the lady I stole the purse from.'
9.The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. (A 5-STAR
STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER)
10.When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank
by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that
it was t he best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your friends
and family... unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a
distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant
and hope they remain lost.
Remember... They walk among us!!!
3/18/2008
1/02/2008
Reflecting on 2007
As I sit in front of my computer and reflect on 2007 there is alot of shit that comes to mind.....hmmmmmm the word shit
THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD
Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.
Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit,things can look like shit,and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit,not enough shit,the right shit,the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit,or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!
Well,Shit,it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope
you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit
from some shit-head...........
Well, Shit Happens!!!
Happy New Year to all my shit-head family and friends out there Luv Ya!
THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD
Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.
Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit,things can look like shit,and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit,not enough shit,the right shit,the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit,or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!
Well,Shit,it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope
you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit
from some shit-head...........
Well, Shit Happens!!!
Happy New Year to all my shit-head family and friends out there Luv Ya!
12/10/2007
10/06/2007
10/03/2007
9/28/2007
9/27/2007
I knew it was going to happen, but we just didn't know when. Here it is! Men's answer to Maxine.
Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
8/19/2007
7/03/2007
Amuzing Bits
Sensible Observations
1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather- who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his
car."
--Author Unknown
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get
a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin"
and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown
3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a
support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the
bar."
--Drew Carey
4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a
desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with
it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy
5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and
saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life ...
without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry
6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we
should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to
leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be
severance
pay, and the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a
temp."
--Bob Ettinger
7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her
out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't
trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone
8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better
verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that
study:
"Duh."
--Conan O'Brien
9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway
through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....
I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery
10) "Know how Chicago got started? Bunch of people in New York
said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't
cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson
12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us
geography."
--Paul Rodriguez
13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned
sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld
14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case
of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from
smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people
burn
slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson
15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is
the same."
--Oscar Wilde
16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member
of Congress. But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain
17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school
student.
At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown
18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will
give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've
thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry
19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow
Disease" was taken.
-- Unknown, presumed deceased
20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll
have another beer."
- W. C. Fields
1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather- who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his
car."
--Author Unknown
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get
a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin"
and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown
3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a
support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the
bar."
--Drew Carey
4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a
desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with
it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy
5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and
saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life ...
without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry
6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we
should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to
leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be
severance
pay, and the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a
temp."
--Bob Ettinger
7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her
out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't
trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone
8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better
verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that
study:
"Duh."
--Conan O'Brien
9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway
through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....
I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery
10) "Know how Chicago got started? Bunch of people in New York
said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't
cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson
12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us
geography."
--Paul Rodriguez
13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned
sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld
14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case
of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from
smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people
burn
slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson
15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is
the same."
--Oscar Wilde
16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member
of Congress. But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain
17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school
student.
At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown
18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will
give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've
thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry
19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow
Disease" was taken.
-- Unknown, presumed deceased
20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll
have another beer."
- W. C. Fields
6/07/2007
Handy Things to Know
THINGS TO KNOW
1. Budweiser beer conditions the hair
2. Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish
3. Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 minutes
4. Mayonnaise will KILL LICE, it will also condition your hair
5. Elmer's Glue - paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off and see the
dead skin and blackheads if any
6. Shiny Hair - use brewed Lipton Tea
7. Sunburn - empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water
8. Minor burn - Colgate or Crest toothpaste
9. Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it!
10. Arthritis? WD-40 Spray and rub in, kill insect stings too
11. Bee stings - meat tenderizer
12. Chigger bite - Preparation H
13. Puffy eyes - Preparation H
14. Paper cut - crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead of sutures at
most hospitals)
15. Stinky feet - Jello!
16. Athletes feet - cornstarch
17. Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vapor rub
18. Kool aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the detergent section
and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet. (Wow, and we drink this stuff)
19. Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also Kool Aid in Dannon plain
yogurt as a finger paint, your kids will love it and it won't hurt them if
they eat it!
20. Peanut butter - will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe off with a coffee
filter paper
21. Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray
22. Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands! Keep a can in
your garage for your hubby
23. Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls
24. When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch and
watch them slide on
25. Heavy dandruff - pour on the vinegar!
26. Body paint - Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco in the
microwave, pour in to an empty film container and mix with the food color of
your choice!
27. Tie Dye T-shirt - mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a
rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak
28. Preserving a newspaper clipping - large bottle of club soda and cup of
milk of magnesia, soak for 20 min. and let dry, will last for many years!
29. A Slinky will hold toast and CD's!
30. To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste
31. Wine stains, pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt.
32. To remove wax - Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, it
will absorb into the towel.
33. Remove labels off glassware etc. rub with Peanut butter!
34. Baked on food - fill container with water, get a Bounce paper softener
and the static from the Bounce towel will cause the baked on food to adhere
to it. Soak overnight. Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets, soak
overnight!
35. Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it!
36. Dirty grout - Listerine
37. Stains on clothes - Colgate
38. Grass stains - Karo Syrup
39. Grease Stains - Coca Cola, it will also remove grease stains from the
driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from car batteries!
40. Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax- sprinkle and let stand for 24
hours. Maybe this will work if you get them back again.
41. To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer Add a little Clorox, or 2 Bayer aspirin, or
just use 7-up instead of water.
42. When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have you ever wondered
which is the freshest, so you "squeeze" for freshness or softness? Did you
know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week? Monday,
Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Each day has a different color twist
tie. They are: Monday = Blue, Tuesday = Green, Thursday = Red Friday = White
and Saturday = Yellow. So if today was Thursday, you would want red twist
tie; not white which is Fridays (almost a week old)! The colors go
alphabetically by color Blue- Green - Red - White - Yellow, Monday through
Saturday. Very easy to remember. I thought this was interesting. I looked in
the grocery store and the bread wrappers DO have different twist ties, and
even the ones with the plastic clips have different colors. You learn
something new everyday! Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread with the right
color on the day you are shopping.
Althea Etienne
1. Budweiser beer conditions the hair
2. Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish
3. Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 minutes
4. Mayonnaise will KILL LICE, it will also condition your hair
5. Elmer's Glue - paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off and see the
dead skin and blackheads if any
6. Shiny Hair - use brewed Lipton Tea
7. Sunburn - empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water
8. Minor burn - Colgate or Crest toothpaste
9. Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it!
10. Arthritis? WD-40 Spray and rub in, kill insect stings too
11. Bee stings - meat tenderizer
12. Chigger bite - Preparation H
13. Puffy eyes - Preparation H
14. Paper cut - crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead of sutures at
most hospitals)
15. Stinky feet - Jello!
16. Athletes feet - cornstarch
17. Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vapor rub
18. Kool aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the detergent section
and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet. (Wow, and we drink this stuff)
19. Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also Kool Aid in Dannon plain
yogurt as a finger paint, your kids will love it and it won't hurt them if
they eat it!
20. Peanut butter - will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe off with a coffee
filter paper
21. Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray
22. Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands! Keep a can in
your garage for your hubby
23. Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls
24. When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch and
watch them slide on
25. Heavy dandruff - pour on the vinegar!
26. Body paint - Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco in the
microwave, pour in to an empty film container and mix with the food color of
your choice!
27. Tie Dye T-shirt - mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a
rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak
28. Preserving a newspaper clipping - large bottle of club soda and cup of
milk of magnesia, soak for 20 min. and let dry, will last for many years!
29. A Slinky will hold toast and CD's!
30. To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste
31. Wine stains, pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt.
32. To remove wax - Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, it
will absorb into the towel.
33. Remove labels off glassware etc. rub with Peanut butter!
34. Baked on food - fill container with water, get a Bounce paper softener
and the static from the Bounce towel will cause the baked on food to adhere
to it. Soak overnight. Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets, soak
overnight!
35. Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it!
36. Dirty grout - Listerine
37. Stains on clothes - Colgate
38. Grass stains - Karo Syrup
39. Grease Stains - Coca Cola, it will also remove grease stains from the
driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from car batteries!
40. Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax- sprinkle and let stand for 24
hours. Maybe this will work if you get them back again.
41. To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer Add a little Clorox, or 2 Bayer aspirin, or
just use 7-up instead of water.
42. When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have you ever wondered
which is the freshest, so you "squeeze" for freshness or softness? Did you
know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week? Monday,
Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Each day has a different color twist
tie. They are: Monday = Blue, Tuesday = Green, Thursday = Red Friday = White
and Saturday = Yellow. So if today was Thursday, you would want red twist
tie; not white which is Fridays (almost a week old)! The colors go
alphabetically by color Blue- Green - Red - White - Yellow, Monday through
Saturday. Very easy to remember. I thought this was interesting. I looked in
the grocery store and the bread wrappers DO have different twist ties, and
even the ones with the plastic clips have different colors. You learn
something new everyday! Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread with the right
color on the day you are shopping.
Althea Etienne
Get Out of The Car!
This is a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida.
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car,
found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her
shoping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of
her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like
mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping
bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so
shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and
tried, and then she realized why -- it was for the same reason she had
wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in
the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four
or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to
report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't
stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four
pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described
as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and
carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.
Moral of the story: If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it
memorable!
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car,
found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her
shoping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of
her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like
mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping
bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so
shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and
tried, and then she realized why -- it was for the same reason she had
wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in
the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four
or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to
report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't
stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four
pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described
as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and
carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.
Moral of the story: If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it
memorable!
5/24/2007
May 24th Weekend in the Hood
All in all this summer has kicked off with a bang and things are starting to get hot around here.
The Burton Street Family home took on a new member Terry, welcome to the Hood. Also a Congrat's Terry on your new home down the street.
Dennis's Celebrated his 50TH Birthday twice in one week. Happy Birthday Darling!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
And the start of summer's strange cast of visitors has started.
Picture 1 & 2 ~ Bob and Annette stopped by for thier yearly visit.
Picture 3 ~ Random picture of Terry and Mandy.
Picture 4 ~ Gizmo seems to be having cat dreams.
Picture 5 ~ As you can see in the picture of Emily she looks quite perturd! Dennis aka Papa hosed her down as she walked out of the back door.
The Burton Street Family home took on a new member Terry, welcome to the Hood. Also a Congrat's Terry on your new home down the street.
Dennis's Celebrated his 50TH Birthday twice in one week. Happy Birthday Darling!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
And the start of summer's strange cast of visitors has started.
Picture 1 & 2 ~ Bob and Annette stopped by for thier yearly visit.
Picture 3 ~ Random picture of Terry and Mandy.
Picture 4 ~ Gizmo seems to be having cat dreams.
Picture 5 ~ As you can see in the picture of Emily she looks quite perturd! Dennis aka Papa hosed her down as she walked out of the back door.
Check Your Driver's Licence
This has been sent to many people via blind copy
Check Your Driver's License!!
Check your driver's license. I was shocked when I saw
this. I tried this and what I found was frightening!
We should all be writing our politicians about this!!!
Check your driver's license information online. Now you can see
anyone's drivers license on the Internet, including your own! It asks for
U.S.
Information, but fortunately it works for Canadian Licenses as well. I just
searched for mine and there it was....Picture and all! This is just too
much! Can
you say "invasion of privacy"?! I definitely removed mine. I suggest you
all do the same.
Go to the website and check it out. It's unbelievable!
Just enter your name ( for Canadians just leave it as "Select a State")
just type your name in(no address) to see if they have yours on file.
After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked
"Please Remove".
http://www.license.shorturl.com
Check Your Driver's License!!
Check your driver's license. I was shocked when I saw
this. I tried this and what I found was frightening!
We should all be writing our politicians about this!!!
Check your driver's license information online. Now you can see
anyone's drivers license on the Internet, including your own! It asks for
U.S.
Information, but fortunately it works for Canadian Licenses as well. I just
searched for mine and there it was....Picture and all! This is just too
much! Can
you say "invasion of privacy"?! I definitely removed mine. I suggest you
all do the same.
Go to the website and check it out. It's unbelievable!
Just enter your name ( for Canadians just leave it as "Select a State")
just type your name in(no address) to see if they have yours on file.
After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked
"Please Remove".
http://www.license.shorturl.com
Plate Shift
We are all feeling the sting of gas prices right now but this post came from Snope it is a good read.
Thieves steal licence plates to pump and run.
http://www.snopes.com/fraud/autos/gastheft.asp
Thieves steal licence plates to pump and run.
http://www.snopes.com/fraud/autos/gastheft.asp
5/18/2007
5/09/2007
Smiles for Today
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto!
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink..
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer..
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button .
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives .
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto!
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink..
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer..
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button .
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives .
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
5/06/2007
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH feels good
Went spent the day with Wayne and Tersea on the bikes. Rode up to Port Dover and then down along the Grand River to Brantford back home again.
It feels good after a relaxing day in the fresh air and sunshine. Must add with good laughs and fun people. Looking forward to many more trips this summer on Dennis's new bike.
4/25/2007
The Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl
said "No" and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis
with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet
full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny and was never farted on.
The End
said "No" and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis
with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet
full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny and was never farted on.
The End
4/13/2007
Withdraw From Sunshine and Relaxation
Well after spending three weeks in Florida, Dennis and I are back to reality. We had absolutely great weather the whole time we were there. I miss the daily routine of relaxing by the pool while we decide what we will do for the day. Or just kicking back at the pool and playing Dominoes.
We shared our holiday with Herb, Rita, Ruth and Norm. We all had many laughs and a few ackward moments that we can all look back at in the future.
We had a snow storm before we left for Florida and when we returned the snoew was all gone........I just love that.
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